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::  You Know You're Getting  ::
::        Old When...        ::
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Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work.

Your knees buckle, and your belt won't.

You sit down to a rocking chair and can't get it started.

You regret all those times you resisted temptation.

You order Geritol-on-the-Rocks at the bar.

You think "Gay" means "Happy, Lively and Vivacious".

You look forward to spending a quiet evening at home.

Your back goes out more often than you do.

You know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions.

The last president you enjoyed voting for was Teddy Roosevelt.

You turned 39 before Jack Benny.

Your little black book has only names ending in M.D.

You need oxygen after blowing out your birthday candles.

Your mind makes agreements your body can't meet.

You finally get it all together and can't remember where you put it.

You start eating Bran Flakes and Prune Juice for breakfast.

You remember today that yesterday was your Birthday.

You get worn out dialing long distance.

You buy a health club membership and don't go.

You have more hair on your chest than on your head.

You just can't seem to get around to Procrastinating.

Your favorite newspaper column is "25 Years ago Today".

You don't need an alarm clock to get up at 6 A.M.

You need a Fire Permit to light all the candles on your Birthday cake.

A Fortune Teller wants to read your face.

It takes you an hour to undress and another hour to remember why.

After painting the town red, you have to wait a long time before applying a 2nd
coat.

You burn the Midnight oil by 9 P.M.

You get your exercise being a pallbearer for your friends who exercised.

You feel like the morning after and you haven't been anywhere.

Anything under a quarter isn't worth bending over to pick up.

Your pacemaker opens the garage door whenever you see a sexy girl go by.

The little old lady you help across the street is your wife.

You get winded playing checkers.

You sink your teeth into a Thick, Juicy Steak and they stay there.

The only whistles you get are from the teakettle.

Your favorite TV personalities are Sid Caesar, Milton Berle, and Lucille Ball.

You need a smaller house with a bigger medicine cabinet.

Work becomes more fun and fun becomes more work.

The best part of your day is over when your alarm clock goes off.